Saturday, April 11, 2009

How do I feel?

Right now this conference has left me with several thoughts and feelings.

The infinite possibilities of what art and clay have to offer has left me overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion and depression and at the same time energized me to do even more. So many more unanswered questions. So many questions to explore and try to find answers for. So do I focus on what I have not done or on what I am yet to do? I guess the choice remains with me alone. I could easily fall into either mindset. Why do anything if I will not be able to do it all or do it particularly well? Why not do something even if I will not be able to do it all or particularly well! Is the unknown messiness of something better than the know pureness of nothing?
I realize that with all that I know and with all that I have done; there is still so much that I do not know and have not done and yet some how want to do. With all the hard work that I have put into my art, compared to many of these other great ceramic artists, I have just barely begin to start. To fully claim the pride and accomplishments that in some ways define me as an artist while holding all those things very lightly with a certain aloofness and distain; I want to be fully possessed with the passion of my art, but not to the point where in controls me (nearly, but not totally) to the exclusion of all else. And while art is a great part of my life, it still remains a part even if only a dominate part. How to accomplish everything I want to do - well I have to start somewhere. One will never have enough time and resources, but those are weak excuses for not doing something. so many of these artists have had so much less of both and yet accomplished so much more and I ever will!

I did like being able to navigate this Conference mostly by myself, running into people I know only now and then; not having to stop and talk or even acknowledge many. I was able to see alot and be alone with my thoughts.

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